Update xml file in manifest ( MSDN article: http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ms412929.aspx ):
ResetWebServer="FALSE" ResetWebServerModeOnUpgrade="Recycle" DeploymentServerType="WebFrontEnd"
The result is the following process will NOT reset the entire farm
stsadm -o retractsolution -name %SolutionName% -url <Site Url> –immediate stsadm -o upgradesolution -name %SolutionName% -allowGacDeployment -filename %SolutionName% stsadm -o deploysolution -name %SolutionName% -immediate -url <Site Url> –allowGacDeployment